The removal from playoff contention is complete, and the remaining Braves, ailing and listless, have settled in the foreign lands of Offseason. As with any grieving process, anger comes early; with it, blame. We must give face to our bewildered indignation. The following wake today with bloody hands.
Any Braves executive who did not try to talk Fredi Gonzelez out of overworking O'Flaherty, Venters and Kimbrel all summer.
The Expos.
The football lights at Sun Life Stadium.
Jason Heyward's bizarre development curve.Nate McLouth's continued presence.
Hunter Pence.
Hunter Pence's stupid bloop hit.
Hunter Pence's stupid right arm.
Hunter Pence's stupid winning smile.
Father Time's iracible battle with Derek Lowe.
Any Braves executive who did not try to talk Fredi Gonzalez out of starting Derek Lowe with the season on the line.
Fredi Gonzalez.
Third base coach Brian Snitker.
Dan Uggla's first-half incontinence.
Mr. Met.
Kent Hrbek.
The Yunel Escobar-Alex Gonzalez trade.
Brian McCann's oblique.
Tommy Hanson's shoulder.
Jair Jurrjens's knee.Tim Hudson's male pattern baldness.
Barenaked Ladies/Big Bang Theory promos.Billy Wagner's loving family.
The generational talent deterioration in the Caray family.Fredi Gonzalez.
Let flow the hate, release it, and let the healing continue. Though it must weather the bitter winds of Offseason, the Chop will rise anew.
I blame myself for thinking of sending my friend a text that said "well, guess the bourn trade failed, would have loved to have pence", then not sending it because I knew it would doom the braves. But knowing all along that in just thinking it, I had unleashed my magical demons.
ReplyDeleteI blame the assholes at the bar who wouldn't do the chop.
I blame the douche bags at the bar who did do the chop but only because I yelled at them.
I blame myself for not chopping hard enough.
I blame Kirby Puckett
I blame the goddamn Astros.
I blame Ken Caminiti and his band of Killer B's
I blame Fredi Gonzalez for being incompetent and looking like Mexi-Garth Brooks
I blame Jeff Blauser for not insisting he play shortstop last night.
I blame Alex Gonzalez for being Fredi's son and also for faking injury because he was put into the spotlight as the only brave who could hit and then he got scared
I blame God.
I blame the city of Atlanta for having fair weather fans
I blame El Nino and the worsening economy
I blame the old braves fans who couldn't scrounge around their miserable house hard enough to find the funds to afford a trip to the game, for only they have the power of the chop left inside.
I blame the lack of mullets on the team
I blame the annoying amount of mohawks on the team
I blame Tim McCarver
I blame Stephen Taylor for not coming to the bar to chop
I blame Ron Gant for enjoying dirt bikes
I blame myself for in 1998 praying for the Cardinals to beat the Braves because I was an angry teenager and wanted revenge for Ron Gant.
God finally answered my prayer.